Portraiture

A few portraits of the beautiful woman I’ve been able to capture throughout the last few years.

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Mishka

On a sunny Saturday morning Mishka and I took to the colourful streets of Woodstock, the pine forest surrounding the Rhodes Memorial and the iconic Bloubergstrand to snap a few portraits.

Wardrobe, hair and makeup: Mishka du Toit

Where Dreamers Wander

The sun sets behind the stormy ocean, a million different shades of pink and orange dancing in the sky. There’s a slight breeze, carrying the conversation into the sea. A smile on every face, at the corner of the earth where dreamers wander in search of inspiration.

The Abyss

3 August 2015, 22:20.

My thoughts are hanging heavily at the back of my mind again tonight.

No specific thoughts, actually. Just a very real heaviness encompassing my entire body.

Focus on your breathing. See the darkness. Follow the motion. You’re spinning. A never ending abyss.

It’s peaceful to a certain extent. The breathing is easy. Thoughts are no longer racing.

Then the moment passes; you’re lying in your bed again, staring at the ceiling, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Anxiety my old friend, it’s been a while.” It’s real again. So, make a conscious effort to breathe slowly, eat well, sleep a lot, read, drink tea. Listen deeper. Take the sounds in; feel the emotions.

This too shall pass.

Darkness

What can I say? Life feels good today.

I think I’m falling for the splendour. Life has this way of kicking you where it hurts most, but the tiniest surprises leave you breathless. I was catapulted into a world of negativity for a while and I could not see a way out. Consumed by a darkness bigger than myself with no ability to get rid of it.

I did not try to feel more or feel less. I was numb. The waves came crashing down and I embraced them after a while. I think that is where the change occurred. Embracing my demons opened something in my soul. I could see the colours floating around; all I had to do was reach for them.

At this moment, I know that I am still consumed, but I am aware of my escape routes. Darkness brings along a certain chaotic beauty. As you unravel, you find new pieces of thread that will help you put yourself together again.

This will happen for the rest of your life. Never despise your darkness, for it is your darkness that makes you the truly unique, amazing creature that you are.

“How could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?” – Frederich Nietzsche

Who Is She?

She is filled with darkness and silver linings.

She wears her heart on her sleeve for all to see, and steal. She never fully understands, but she is well aware.

She contradicts herself with every move she makes. She panics because she can’t recall the last time she was truly content. There’s a constant battle inside of her. She pretends that it makes sense, and they believe her. She is equally good at hiding as she is with projecting. She is the eye of the hurricane, with an unspoken softness.

She lives in a story: not an epic love story, or even something that could be deemed inspirational. She writes the stories of her characters with a raw passion, looking into the future, breaking her own heart as she goes. She doesn’t mind though. She has accepted that she constantly finds herself in the way of the universe.

Her mind is a fickle place and any attempt to tame her thoughts will be unsuccessful. Her eyes dart crazily wherever she finds herself and she imagines the most bizzare events. Her emotions run wild, but she argues with reason. There is a flame in her soul that burns her and drives her mad at times. She will do anything for the love of a thing, even when she is aware of the impending fall.

She embraces loneliness as much as she hates being alone. Her mind’s eye sees in dirty charcoal and baby pink, ever since she can remember. There is never an in-between, only extremes. Always.

Imagine

24 May 2015

Imagine meeting someone who adds a plethora of stars to your night skies. Who paints pictures with the colours of your soul, whose touch decrypts the inner workings of your mind.

He sees the cracks and he still looks at you as though you were the sun and the moon. He pulls you to the edge of the cliff and he never lets go of your hand. He’s a fireplace on a rainy winter night, a fresh breeze on a warm day.

This one’s for you

To those who grab the salt and tequila when life hands you lemons,
Who pick up the pieces when you fall apart.
To those who always answer when you call,
Who are willing to drop everything when you need them.

The people that make you laugh uncontrollably.
The people who challenge you.
The people that can make the silence beautiful.
To those who hug you when you ugly cry.

The people who let you crash on their couch.
The people that forgive you.
The people who don’t notice your flaws.
To those who don’t judge you.

The people that dance with you.
The people that are always at the top of your call log.
The people that you can always count on.
To those that will drive your car when you’ve had too much.

The people who support all of your decisions.
The people that show you new things.
The people who love you unconditionally.
To those who share your dreams and interests.

The people that see your soul.
The people that make every moment an amazing one.
The people that encourage you to be the best you.
To those who care.

The people that will stay up until sunrise.
The people that have their own opinions.
The people who are always happy to see you.
To those willing to share their last slice of pizza.

To those who you would always protect,
who you would always defend.
To those who make you who you are,
who you would do absolutely anything for.

This one’s for you.